Musician Jokes

These are from a shirt that I just got at Drums Along the Columbia, a world class Marching Band competition! Enjoy.

What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower?
You can tune a lawnmower.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the bassoon recital.

How can you tell if there's a cello knocking at your door?
They're rushing.

How can you tell if there's a trumpet at your door?
They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.

How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?
Give them sheet music.

Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long?
So they don't have to retrain the violinists.

How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
Sit in the back and don't play.

How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None (they have a machine for that now).

What do a scud bomb and a soprano player have in common?
They're both offensive and inaccurate.

What do you call a flutist with half a brain?
Gifted.

How do you get two piccolos to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.

How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and miss every other note.

What is the definition of a minor second?
Two oboes playing together.

How does a soprano change a lightbulb?
She holds it, and the world revolves around her.

What's the difference between a soprano and a pit bull?
The Jewelry.

How is playing an English Horn solo like wetting your pants?
Both give you a warm feeling, but nobody else cares.

How many french horn players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but they'll spend hours checking it for leaks and alignment problems.

Hope these made you laugh! Cameron and I sure had fun reading them!

~Lindsey Smith
Band Geek, Pit Ninja